Chapter 4

Y/N's P.O.V.

I have always thought of happiness as a fleeting moment- something that passes us like a zephyr, a feeling, an essence- not something we can hold on, not even for a moment because happiness itself was a moment, to embrace, not to behold. And never, even in my reverie, I thought I was capable of having even an ounce of that heavenly essence, because for my whole life I have been demeaned, looked down upon, always forgotten, by my dear ones.

It's still clear in my conscience - the moment when I first drew something, a prideful glimmer shown in my eyes when I gazed at my imperfectly perfect work, with innocence and expectation, I brought that work to my mother and stood on my toes when she gazed at that piece of drawing with nonchalance, OfCourse I was oblivious to the fact that my mother despised my every quality or else, I wouldn't have taken my first ever work to her, only for it to be torn apart and thrown in the dustbin. Something inside me broke that day, I could have let out a painful whimper but I had lost the zeal to voice out my emotions and words, hence I stood there with grief reflecting in my eyes, heart aching from the apparent dismissal, and chest tightening due to the lack of the air in my lungs. And the moment she walked away giving me earful about how grotesque that piece of work was, something inside me told me otherwise. That was the first ever time, I thought otherwise and went to improve my newly found peace. And I did, I maneuvered my home, my peace, my art.

The happiness I am talking about? I am holding that essence with me, feeling it in the depth of my heart as I watch people appreciate and commend my art works. This is the last exhibition I will be putting here in college before I return back to Korea.

An unpleasant feeling creeped inside me as I recalled my last conversation with Jungkook. It wasn't the first time that we ended on sour notes but I am afraid now, a fear was gripping me from inside. fear of what ifs, because last 5 years I consolidated myself via saying, it's just the distance but now the distance will be no more, then what if things won't - No, I cannot think like this. Taking a deep breath, I looked around, to make sure everyone is enjoying their time here.